Made to Love

Sweet Sylvia at Catholic Causerie has said so beautifully and so well all that is on my heart in recent months, and graciously said I could share it. I've been directed to be more interior as I travel His journey for me, and so for the time being, and perhaps indefinitely, this blog will continue to be quiet. May each of us live daily in His Presence!

People seem to focus so much on the future. Our vision is naturally horizontal — looking at the things in front of us (or behind). Some of us fruitlessly dwell on the past, and others (like myself) have the tendency to dwell in our imaginings of the future. What I wish I could do is shift my eyes to a vertical perspective, one that moves along the x-axis of time, but is always fixed on the y-intercept of the present.What I mean is, if we could look upward, focused on God and not on our own fates, our fates won't get messed up by our tainted, twisted selves. We don't live for the future; we live for the infinite God. Our lives shouldn't be directed toward our own pursuits; they should always be in pursuit of Him. I've come to realize that it doesn't matter much what happens to me as long as I am in union with God when it happens.I came across this passage when I was re-reading The Screwtape Letters for my previous post, and I think it explains the "present" concept brilliantly:

The humans live in time, but [God] destines them to eternity. He therefore, I
believe, wants them to attend chiefly to two things, to eternity itself and to
that point of time which they call the Present. For the Present is the point at
which time touches eternity. Of the present moment, and of it only, humans have
an experience analogous to the experience which [God] has of reality as a whole;
in it alone freedom and actuality are offered them.

Recently, I've been faced with many "coming of age" decisions, and to be honest, I've struggled a lot with entrusting them to God. But He has given me a great confidence because, even when I feel I don't know what to do with my life, I know that my life should belong to Him no matter what I do. I try to embrace that knowledge because it gives me purpose in the present.

So do not worry and say, 'What are we to eat?' or 'What are we to drink?' or
'What are we to wear?' All these things the pagans seek. Your Heavenly Father
knows that you need them all. But seek ye first the kingdom (of God) and his
righteousness, and all these things will be given to you besides.

On a bigger scale, for the last 5 years I have wondered and prayed about my "vocation," whether I should serve God within a family, or consecrate my whole self as my patron St. Cecilia did. I have a deep attraction to both lives, and I have come to realize it is because they both have the same call - to live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up as a sacrifice for us. All lives have this same call, and when we answer it, we are fulfilled in the deepest part of our souls.

Our vocation is LOVE, and we are called to it NOW.

* * *

Amen. Now and forever!

Loved

On this feast day of St. Valentine — the "day for lovers" — my heart is full and cherished. I am in awe of the perfect, igniting love of my Beloved...Christ.

You are enough for me.

My Maker, my Savior, my Sanctifier...

My Lover, my Lord, my Light...

My King, my Sweetness, my Fire...

My everything.

You are enough for me.

His Mercy

This past Sunday (the Feast of Divine Mercy), after a week filled with many graces, but also with many difficult moments, it was powerful to pray the prayer after the Chaplet of Divine Mercy...

Eternal God, in Whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion, inexhausible,
look kindly upon us, and increase Your mercy in us
that in difficult moments, we might not despair,
nor become despondant,
but with great confidance,
submit ourselves entirely to Your holy will,
which is love and mercy itself. Amen.

It amazes me sometimes how I can pray some prayer plenty of times, maybe even for year, and then it will hit me in a whole new way at a time when it becomes really personally relevant. That prayer, especially the last five lines above, was like a balm to my soul on Sunday. It was exactly what I need to pray and hear at that moment!

"But I will call this to mind,

as my reason to have hope:
The favors of the LORD are not exhausted,

his mercies are not spent;
They are renewed each morning,

so great is his faithfulness.
My portion is the LORD, says my soul;

therefore will I hope in him.
Good is the LORD to one who waits for him,

to the soul that seeks him;
It is good to hope in silence

for the saving help of the LORD."

~Lamentations 3:21-26

(I didn't realize until recently that such a hope-filled passage was in Lamentations... thanks to Sr. M. Franchesca!)

Music and Meaning I

The playlist at right features about 20 selections that are very meaningful to my discernment. You may notice that there is a bit of a mix...a number of scriptural pieces and John Michael Talbot mixed with a few more contemporary hymns, and even a couple of significant ones from Classical/Pop singers.

I'd like to share about many of these beautiful songs, starting with Love Is Not A Fight and While I'm Waiting. (While I'm Waiting will be the theme of a later post.)

These two songs have grown on me since I first heard them in the magnificent film Fireproof. They are a little more on the "upbeat" side compared to most music I take to, but the lyrics fit so wonderfully into the movie that I fell in love with both. I have since found them to be very relevant to vocational discernment, too.

Love Is Not A Fight

(Warren Barfield)

Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
And then commit to never leave

This stanza actually brings the cloistered life to mind (even though I don't believe I am called to the contemplative/cloistered vocation). In a larger perspective, however, is the call to interiorly "dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple." (Psalm 27:4)

Lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter in the raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave,
may God send His angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight,
but it's something worth fighting for

Love is a person, and yes, He is a shelter in the raging storm, and peace in the middle of a war! The paradox of "love is not a fight, but it's something worth fighting for" really speaks to me.

To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do

Lord has very tangibly been showing me of late what it means to love as a decision, not based on feelings...of which mine can be very unreliable!

Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing of us
But demand we give our all

Oh, how very true those last lines are! He does demand our all, whether it is through the consecrated life or not.

I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for...

There are plenty of times of interior struggle to let go and accept the love He offers. And there have been temptations to distract me. My God fights for me...so I remind myself that He is worth fighting for. Even if sometimes, that fighting is against my own weak flesh!

An Unfolding Love Story

I've prayed since childhood to know and follow the unique calling Christ has for me. I have long dreamt of and longed to be a bride, to be a mother, and in recent months He asked me to be more open to total consecration as His bride, and the spiritual mother of many.

Discerning and discovering this call is presently a journey in progress. Many wonderful friends and family have offerend an outpouring of loving support and enthusiasm. I've also wished that I could freeze the most meaningful moments in a time capsule to revisit whenever I need to!

This blog may not be as intimate or personal as a heart-to-heart over a cup of tea, but I hope it may be a place where I can reflect at His workings and chronicle this unfolding love story — both for myself, and for anyone who wishes for a glimpse at the journey. May the manifestations of His love to me be for you just as deep a blessing.

In His Heart,
Claire H.

...A Chosen Handmaiden